Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you would pick up someone in the library
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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