At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
