her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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