Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
