Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
