if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
