I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
