he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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