Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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