I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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