I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The air was thick with penises
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
