Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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