i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize