The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
