Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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