Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
