If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
