Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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