I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize