I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
