Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
