She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
