The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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