my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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