I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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