omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
