$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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