I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
