I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
