Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
