I think my vagina is haunted
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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