another moral hangover. fuck.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
