Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
