OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
