I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I'm really busy with my period
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