3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
