She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
