ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
