Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
