I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
