Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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