I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
