We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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