Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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