Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
