Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need a burrito and a hug.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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