I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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