Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
