I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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