I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
