census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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