I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
