Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
