Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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