i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He passed out mid-signature
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
