Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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