people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
