So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
