U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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