I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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