I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
