I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
