so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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