god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
