I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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