you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
