go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bring me that man meat
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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