Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
