Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
