She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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