Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
