At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
