Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
