all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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