im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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