totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
