everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
