I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you traded sex for a burrito?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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