Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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