I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
