Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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