we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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