i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
