brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
