I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
