i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
