I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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