Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
