I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
