"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
