it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
