So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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